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Ultimate Fantasy 1 Club Life and Mothers

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy. When I was young I loved going out to a club with a gang of boys. I did not understand it at the time, I thought it was disgusting and I should not enjoy it. But in my adolescent years, when I discovered the gay scene, I found out about its strength and purpose. This meant it had two forms, boys and men. It also meant it had a sex with young boys that was not, in my opinion, as popular as one with a woman might want to do. I was more shocked than I was surprised to find out about my own sexuality, which had always been like this. And this was not something I was ashamed of, I was part of the gay community and I had found out a bit about it. I would occasionally go to clubs with boys, or with my mother. She was a lesbian who hated the lifestyle and I know she found it quite pleasant. And I knew that she did not really want me to be a lesbian, she did not really understand it. My mother was a staunch member of the “G” club, which was devoted to women. I think I liked her, she did not really hate me, but she was angry at her own sex, and the fact that I would leave her house when I got home.

I came home late one night and my mother was furious at me. She was upset that I had left her and went out for drinks, and her house was pretty packed, she was quite angry at herself. She and her husband, who was a Presbyterian, were at a pub the night before. I was the only boy there and I was alone, but she saw me coming in. She was rather upset that I was not home, and there was an awful lot of looking at me, talking to my mother. She went out and had some drinks with a friend, and then had a few more with me. She then left for the pub. I went home to my mother, where I could, and found that I had a great deal to complain about. I was going to go to bed and she went off to see my friend. It was a pretty dark evening, dark with the smell of smoke. She called the police and came over to my room. I thought it was dreadful. I saw my friend there and she wanted to see me. She was so happy to see me. I explained to her that I was going to go back to my room. She went off to find her friend. I went back to my room and I was afraid to go out because I was watching what was going to happen. But she was a very good friend and told me not to go out at night. She would give me her handbag and I would carry her and her bag. She then went back to her friend’s room and she sat on the bed next to me, I would not leave her there. She said to my friend, “I will call the police, but if you don’t call, they will arrest you.” And so I went back to my room. And I had an awkward silence and I went and sat down to write. And I thought, “This is very difficult, you are going to be arrested, you are going to have to pay.” She came out and said, “Good, it is quite easy to say.”

My life was so bizarre at the time, I was so alienated and so disgusted with myself. But I got out of it, I got over it, and I never had any more time to write.


Do you like to have anonymous sex in public rest rooms? Sex movies? Public parks? Sex clubs? On street corners with heavy hustling traffic? How many nonsexual friendships or acquaintances lasting for decades started this way? How many ways are there to love queers? How many ways are there to queer love?

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy. When I was. . .



Prompt adapted from A Queer History of Computing

· clubs, gay, sex, sexuality, angry, lesbian, Presbyterian, marriage, children, community, GPT-2, RunwayML, queer