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Ultimate Fantasy 13 Daddy Issues

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy. When I was young and very foolish, Gay Girl in Love. I was thirteen years old. And I fell in love with a beautiful young man who seduced me with the promise of more beautiful things. I called him my boyfriend. We fell in love and lived happily ever after. For thirteen years I was confused and unhappy.

So why all of a sudden hate him?

I hate him because he could be my lover, my rock. He could rock me to sleep and then lead me on wild wild goose chases down dark alleys. He is traditional, he is American, he is Western. He could be my dad! He could rock my world! It would be so simple.

A closeted big gay man with daddy issues would never be tolerated. Filled with feelings I call Paralytic Fraternity, he would reject me for all the pain and confusion I caused myself and my family. He would reject me for who I am. I would reject him for the many amazing men I have loved and missed.

There are worse things than closeted big gay men with daddy issues.

My problem is not so much my past. My problem is with the way society has defined my sexuality. There’s this idea that if you’re gay you’re fine, fine. It’s not always easy being gay. Our society puts a value on sex and it puts a value on love above all else. Our society says if you’re skinny, you’re a fag. If you smell bad, you’re a fruit. If you smell good to your girlfriend, you’re cool. Whatever it takes to be famous!… I just don’t see how any of that makes any of us wrong!

Why should we change if they DON’T WANT TO?


Do you like to have anonymous sex in public rest rooms? Sex movies? Public parks? Sex clubs? On street corners with heavy hustling traffic? How many nonsexual friendships or acquaintances lasting for decades started this way? How many ways are there to love queers? How many ways are there to queer love?

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy. When I was. . .



Prompt adapted from A Queer History of Computing

· love, bisexual, gay, lesbian, queer theory, history, sexuality, healing, strength, courage, society, gay, daddy issues, Rainbow PUSH, American, GPT-2, RunwayML, queer