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Ultimate Fantasy 26 Middle Class Homo

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy.

Me and my Beastie Boy middle child. How many Beasties do you know?

How many middle children do you know who secretly fuck other middle children?

I’ve known four. or five.

Four middle children… FIVE!!

You may deny it, but middle children’s queerness is not a fantasy. It is a fact. It is commonplace.

Forgive me for being such a prude. I like to think being middle-class makes me immune to all that snobbery, envy, and mediocrity.

Who doesn’t? Most of us aspire to something better than mediocrity. We want more from life than being poor, working-class, or gay. What middle-class homo doesn’t?

My father is a lawyer. He never fooled around and never took the easy route. He never let my mother down. She believed in me and always gave me everything I wanted. She was my rock. I’d sacrifice anything for her. My two kids, it didn’t matter how debilitating their condition was, they had my unconditional love and support.

Stop being so goddamn sensitive.


You old fart, I don’t need your father’s love or the strained confidence of your mother to know that if I wanted a better life than the one I had growing up in that I should fuck harder than he did. No, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I know what you mean. But most people don’t realize how much more commonplace it is to love queers. In Chico, California, where I grew up, it is commonplace for two adults to fuck. In Atlanta, five young men slept together to avoid bus fares. In Collin, Texas, a gay couple was beaten to death last year after their lovers took their own lives. And last Saturday in Detroit, fifty-three young men gathered for a candle vigil to remember a young woman they had just lost to AIDS.

Stop being so goddamn sensitive.

Last but not least. This weekend in Detroit, thirty-one high school students gathered to protest what they perceived as rampant bullying of gay students. In Chicago, an ordinance was passed that calls for the immediate expulsion of students who engage in consensual homosexual acts. And this week in Laurel, Colorado, a mother was arrested after her 16-year-old son told a school resource officer that he was “gay” and wanted to bring a friend to prom dressed as a girl.

I’m tired. And I’m not the only one feeling this way. According to a new Pepperdine University School of Law poll, nearly two-thirds of Americans—and nearly four-in-ten Republicans think homosexual behavior is immoral.

Look, I don’t necessarily think the violence is justified. But then what, exactly are we doing to bring people together? Why do people feel the only thing to hate about people who have something different from us is our sexuality?

Listen, we’re not coming here to burn the place down.


Do you like to have anonymous sex in public rest rooms? Sex movies? Public parks? Sex clubs? On street corners with heavy hustling traffic? How many nonsexual friendships or acquaintances lasting for decades started this way? How many ways are there to love queers? How many ways are there to queer love?

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy.



Prompt adapted from A Queer History of Computing

· Beastie Boys, secret, middle class, working class, middle children, Republicans, Pepperdine University, Chico, Detroit, Chicago, Colorado, Texas, AIDS, prom, news, queer, GPT-2, RunwayML