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Ultimate Fantasy 69 Imaginary Friend

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy.

It’s a story I keep telling myself. I have this imaginary friend who I would like to travel with and date. What would we do?
What would we do if we were completely honest with each other?
What would we say if we didn’t hold onto our fantasies and prune our memories?

The answer is always the same. Well, maybe not exactly what I have in mind, but there’s this friend I want to travel with, and one thing leads to another, until eventually I have you and I no longer have any boundaries.

What if I told you that it doesn’t matter if we ever get together because I guarantee that one day, if we’re still together, you will kiss me. And I will kiss you because I will be the one who knows that I was wrong to harbor such a fantasy.
What if I told you that even though I may have fallen in love with you, that I did so after much soul searching and agonized bargaining, that I took the plunge anyway, knowing full well that I was wrong to do so.
Then, what would you do?
What do you do when your lover is dead but you still want to have an affair? You cheat on your lover with a stranger. Or, worse yet, you lie and say that you have no lovers.
Or maybe you have just had one.
Or, if you’re lucky, you’ve just had two.
And what do you do when all your lovers have left? You take their photographs and cut them up and burn them.
Or maybe you cut off their fingers and eat them.
Or maybe you just farted in their faces.
All of these horrible acts are committed by people we know to be our lovers. People we love and care about.

How can we ever get it together in a real relationship if they know everything?
There’s always the chance that they could be lying to us.
There is always the chance that they do know.
One time or another, we lie to ourselves, to each other, to the world. And it’s up to us to repel these temptations. To know that love is not a game, that it is, in fact, something more.


What does it mean for sexuality to be lived as oriented? What difference does it make what or who we are oriented toward in the very direction of our desire? If orientation is a matter of how we reside in space, then sexual orientation might also be a matter of residence, of how we inhabit spaces, and who or what we inhabit spaces with. After all, queer geographers have shown us how spaces are sexualized. If we foreground the concept of “orientation,” then we can retheorize this sexualization of space as well as the spatiality of sexual desire. What would it mean for queer studies if we were to pose the question of the orientation of sexual orientation as a phenomenological question?

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy. . .



Prompt adapted from Queer Phenomenology by Sara Ahmed

· queer, GPT-2, RunwayML