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Ultimate Fantasy 95 Divine Love

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy. I have spent the last sixteen years of my life pretending to be a woman. During that time, I was cast in this role through a process of emotional reclamation. I believed I could please no one, not my parents, not the law, not the world. I could be whoever I wanted to be and I never once regretted it. I became a priestess, a nurse, a nun, a mason, a teacher, an altar server in a number of different orders. I walked down the street and no one said anything to me. One week I was a teacher and the next I was a prostitute. Then I left the profession and never looked back.

I have always believed in following my heart. I know that no matter how many times I take pills, no matter how many times I take injections, that I will always be attracted to the beautiful woman in me. And although it is within my power to deny this to her, I refuse to allow it to stop me from loving her. My quest for divine love has driven me to the brink of insanity. I have no shame. I do not hide my junk in my underwear drawer, I do not stash my valuables in my bathroom cupboard. All of this is so that I may one day set loose this curse on this world.


In this chapter, I share a number of stories from my experiences of becoming-queer, of methodological anarchism. these stories are not true, for I am in agreement with the notion that there is ‘no such thing as a true story’. Nor do they follow a single line of direction or desire; they connect to each other in many ways. they form a rhizome. In sharing these stories, I do not have a simple message or a particular argument to convey. Like Ursula Le Guin, ‘I wish, instead of looking for a message when we read a story, we could think, “Here’s a door opening on a new world: what will I find there?”’

Let me begin by telling you my ultimate fantasy. . .



Prompt adapted from Queer Methods and Methodologies

· queer, GPT-2, RunwayML